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Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt some pressure to be “ideal”?The fallout of that kind of relationship can be difficult at best, and disastrous at worst.Many people can relate on a superficial and social level.But in a long-term relationship of any kind, it becomes increasingly important for you to be able to share your heart with someone, and have your heart be safe.
In parent-child relationships, it can be to be the ideal “trophy” child, making a parent happy by living up to unrealistic expectations.
This works well for a young child and a parent, but in adult friendships, dating relationships, and marriages, it fails if one partner is not seen as worthy of respect. Dominating relationships are very immature, and lead to stunted emotional growth in both people.
These relationships may be comfortable, but are more often miserable and extremely limiting.
After 20 years in the profession of helping people, I have come to understand something: we cause much of our pain by the people we choose.
In every kind of clinical issue that psychologists deal with, relationships are a big part of the picture in some way.